Dating within your church
You see the reality is that relationships among fellow church members affect the whole church. So, as you are eyeing that pretty girl who works in the nursery, or flirting with that drummer in the praise team let me urge you to think carefully about a few things.Remember that before this person was your date, or boyfriend/girlfriend, they were your fellow church member. I will not go on a rant—and I firmly believe women can be just as brave—but I do notice a lot of Christian men who are afraid to pass the friend threshold. So with that, I’m going to sign off and actually speak to the folks who can do something about this. They think you don’t notice, but we know better, don’t we? We have some serious issues to work out, namely, the lack of courage displayed by really good men who are hiding their heads in the sand, even as their heart longs to connect. This message was that casual dating is not good, women’s hearts must be guarded by men, and all romantic relationships better have marriage in mind—or the people in them are just using each other.
It was painful for many reasons that I can’t go into here, but it also saw great heartbreak in our whole church. It’s important, then, to remember that dating within the church is not just about you.
As partners in the same church you have very specific responsibilities towards one another and responsibilities together for the rest of your church.
Remember that after this date you will still have responsibility for their growth.
The fear is that casual dating means casual sex, casual deep intimacy or casual love—which are all by nature not casual.
But if we assume that a good man and a good woman understand those boundaries, why would getting coffee and learning more about the other person not be healthy, enjoyable and within any reasonable scope of OK? Reality: Women can guard their own hearts, make their own decisions, and suffer the highs and lows of emotional intimacy just like the rest of us (if not better than the rest of us).
They just want you to be present and slightly brave. Maybe we’re a mentorless/fatherless generation who has lost a bit of backbone because we haven’t been taught to properly handle failure? They’re not looking for a husband right this second, and they’re sure as heck not looking for a savior.