Dating an alcoholic liar
If someone’s told or shown you that they are certain things, it’s only betting on potential and denial that is creating the “surprise” element when they live up to being who they are.
Healthy, mutual relationships happen organically with two people copiloting the relationship while also retaining their identities and owning their own. none of this making other people’s behaviour about you malarkey.
Healthy relationships aren’t built on a foundation of wonky, busted or non-existent boundaries or all manner of secrets, lies, or things you’re ignoring.
All the love in the world won’t erase these issues.
The quality of your interactions and relationships dramatically improves when you don’t see everything in terms of your worth as a person and you’re not going around in investing your energy, effort, and emotion into people and things that detract from you.It’s also why some relationships seem to have more time spent fighting for them or making up from fighting for them than they do actually living them because so much time and effort is devoted to passive aggressively or aggressively trying to ‘make’ the other person be or do something or to surrender their values.It’s definitely why so many people seem genuinely surprised that they’re not in a ‘quality’ relationship with someone who by their own admission is aggressive or shady.The quality of what we try to make our relationships out of matter.You can’t override valid concerns with connection, chemistry, sex etc and plough ahead because when the pain kicks in, it will be over the very things that you thought you could ignore or shove under the carpet.